I am typically an avoider of lists, but I feel this is my civic duty to all of the future parents out there. I have picked 5 things, but there are many more.

1. Kids do not come with instructions. Most things in life come with instructions, but not so with your most precious of investments. Instead God decided that it would be much more fun for each and every parent to be thrown into the deep end of the pool at least once in their life. If there is ever a case for nature over nurture the fact that babies do not come with a 300 page manual attached is pretty strong evidence.

2. If you have prized yourself on not being sick in a very long time prepare to be beaten down and humiliated. Germs are to kids what spaghetti sauce is to any shirt I am wearing while eating said spaghetti. Invariably, no matter how well you protect yourself, at some point your child will wait until your mouth is open and then proceed to sneeze into it. I am not sure of the Freudian nature of the timing, but be prepared.

3. If you have a son be prepared to become the internet, or at least have a phone with access to wikipedia handy. Around the age of 4 to 5 they will want to know absolutely everything about everything and they will look to you for the answer. Know if you are me, I have instituted a strong "you have X more questions today" policy that causes him to choose wisely. Never the less, be a good scout and always be prepared to try and answer why it is that turtles are green, or, "if my little brother/sister was inside mommie's tummy how did it get in?"

4. Be prepared to no longer sleep. Some people have kids that sleep all night every night, and to them I say, GO AWAY! If you are like 95% of families out there the moment you have kids you can kiss waking up at 10:00 on Saturday goodbye! My official 'sleeping in' time is now 7:00 a.m. Sleeping all night long is a thing of the past, and if you are used to being able to have a bit of your bed to yourself that is gone as well. There is nothing quite so fun as waking to the warm sensation of your toddler peeing on you in their sleep.

5. Kids are a blast! You may hear the heartaches, the headaches, the 'oh-my's' a lot; but make no mistake, raising kids is the funnest thing going. Its hard, its tiring, there is a good chance they will need a couple of years of therapy in their 20's; but every moment is worth it! So take time to thank God for them, to thank your spouse for helping out, and to sit back and enjoy an excuse to dig out the Legos and invest in a play-dough fun factory.

Posted via email from David's posterous