It was one of those summer evenings that you wish had a pause button.  The sky was clear and the air no longer hot.  Across a small lake the sun sat behind behind an Ozark mountain.  We had just finished an evening chapel service at senior high camp and I knew in that evening God wanted me to study for a life of service to him and others.  At that time/place in the Nazarene church that only meant one of three things to me; pastor (maybe), evangelist (nope), or missionary (are you crazy).  There was a limited understanding of the breadth of Christian service, of tent-making, or the possibility of bi-vocational or completely volunteer service.  But as a naive 18 year old I honestly had no idea of the specifics, only that God had spoken one word to me that night, 'go'.  I think part of the problem often with discerning God's will is that when he says something simple like 'go' we then fill in the blanks with our own assumptions of what he meant. I was left hanging, wondering what he meant exactly.

Go, was the only word from God that I was sure I had ever heard for myself.  It was implicit in it's scope, but emphatic in it's command.  So I embarked on a bachelor's degree and 4 years later found myself even more uncertain as to what 'go' meant.  Fast forward 13 years from that night at camp and I will tell you that God has just now started to give me some insight into that word and has spoken again.  In between then and now I have been relying on the voices of others in the faith, my parents, my friends, to speak into my life.  I have been relying on the discernment and wisdom that I pray to God for and desperately need.  A few weeks ago in my time of study/devotions God decided to add to the conversation and he gave me two words.  Two whole words!  God said to me, 'it's time.'

As you can imagine it's a mixture of emotions that I am dealing with.  The initial response is elation that God decided to follow up with me in such a profound way.  There is the confusion on why it has taken God so long to speak so directly to me again.  That confusion though is more rooted in my desire to 'hurry up' and get to it than in awaiting God's timing, not on what God meant.  When I graduated with my degree I was profoundly unprepared to enter into any ministry role, and I thank God for protecting the countless people I would have profoundly messed up in my immature fumbling.  The lesson of this intervening decade of life has brought about some times of intense growth, personal discovery, shedding of self-interest, etc.  When I heard God say, 'it's time' I knew it is time for my wife and I to begin to prepare for a life-long service in a multi-culture context.

My wife?  Spouses are always the interesting variable thrown into the 'God's will' equation.  The next day after hearing God say, 'it's time.'  My wife, completely unprovoked or aware yet of God's word to me, said that if we were going to make a move it was time to do it.  Those two things, so closely correlated that I knew for sure that it was God speaking and not my own eagerness.

So, what if anything can I say to anyone who reads this?  In 31 years of life God has shared three specific words with me.  It took 18 years of life for me to be in the right place to hear and understand the first word, and another 13 to be in the right place to hear and understand the next two.  God may speak to me again in 10, or 15 or never again in my life, but I know that he is there and he abides alongside me every step of the way.  I know this is true for you as well too.

So, what is next?  What did God mean?  I said I know, and I have shared that with a few family members and close friends but for now it is a private revelation until things are more concrete and I can be confident of the outcome.  Sorry for the vanity of this post, but I needed to express this story as it will shape who I am and where I serve in a profound way.  My context has been altered and I look forward to the new ways in which God is moving our family.